Happy Thanksgiving Memories

Thanksgiving with Andrea and Philip, by Andrea 2012

Thanksgiving.  It’s hard holiday to beat for generosity and the mix of food, family, and fellowship.

There are some wise folks who choose Thanksgiving as their favorite holiday; and why not? An attitude of gratitude boosts everything about life to a higher level, positive and productive.

Oh, I know; particularly if you are a woman, you have spent the last week baking, planning, running to the grocery store – but, isn’t it wonderful to feel the wind in your face, to rise to the occasion – even to be thankful that you do not have to cook like this every day of the year?

As a child, I stood by and tried to help with the Thanksgiving Eve grinding of cranberries and stuffing of the turkey as promising aromas filled the kitchen. I learned how it must be done, by watching.  As a too young bride exiled to Germany, I was determined to keep up the tradition, though I bloodied my knuckled trying to grind cranberries on a cheese grater and had to remove all the racks in the apartment size oven just to roast a pint sized turkey in a two quart lasagna dish.

Later, I stood at a kitchen sink in Texas, flanked by my two younger children as we gathered and mixed all the necessary side dishes for meals shared with friends.  I not only enjoyed those years, I lived to write about them.

Over the years, we have feasted on small turkeys, large turkeys, smoked turkeys, bonus turkeys, food basket turkeys; turkeys roasted in a conventional oven, wood stove oven, motel oven, and even in a cast iron dutch oven over a campfire.

Last year Andrea was with me for Thanksgiving break.  Together we knocked out the pumpkin pies and then toted them to Grandma’s house and Kevin’s house for the feast.

For the past few years, I have been the spare tire, the single who brings a side-dish and  is welcome at the table anyway. My house is small and my work schedule changeable, so I greatly appreciate the hospitality. I will never forget the Thanksgiving in 2010 when I worked the register at Safeway until late afternoon. Throwing on my coat and rushing out the door to catch the bus, I was hailed in the parking lot by my cousin who tucked me into the jeep with his mother and took me home for a feast.

This year, the Thanksgiving spirit has been pervasive.  Facebook is littered daily with the confetti of thankfulness. Shoppers and store clerks alike seem to have entered into the spirit of the season.  Yesterday the bank teller transacted my deposit with a look of happy anticipation, “Are you cooking?”  she asked.  “Not this year.  Going home to Mama’s, “  I replied.  “And you?” “Yes, for twelve people,” she confided with delight. “I’ve got it all planned.  Happy Thanksgiving!”

Blessings on your day.  I’ve gotta run. I am expected across town with my sweet potato casserole.

I am mildly disappointed in The Hunger Games

Cherry Odelberg, photo credit Kevin Decker 2010

I have just finished reading The Hunger Games.  It was a great book. I am mildly dissatisfied with the conclusion.  Before I proceed to analyze why, I am sure you have one of two possible reactions which must be dealt with before you can concentrate on what I have to say.

1. Why are you just now getting around to reading this book?

OR

2. What is a 58 year old woman doing reading a YA fiction book?

The simple answer to both questions is: I am a writer, mother, grandmother and I hold down job(s) in the real world.

The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins, 2008), is more than a dawning of love between vampires or fidelity and character among institutional witches and it is worth a thorough read.

The overall narrative initially and consistently reminded me of Animal Farm or Brave New World, a couple of futuristic stories in the junior great books anthologies, and some ancient myth.  It is a book to entertain, to take you on adventure, to make you think. And thinking is what I did as I turned pages – faster and faster into the wee hours.

My first disappointment came with Peeta. I wanted him to be less passive, more warrior.  But he is only sixteen.  How much can you expect of a 16 year old, a grasp of all the virtues and character traits including Love?  These are issues I yet ponder at my age and I am a voracious reader in part due to my endless search for the ideal. Peeta certainly grasps the essence of unconditional and enduring love. Also, it is hard to find fault with his determined philosophy to not let the competition change who he is.  Why do I have trouble with his inactivity and passivity, do I not truly believe all you need is love?

My lingering disappointment has to do with the ending. She took the fruit and gave some to him – but they didn’t eat it, not really, they only pretended to. They outsmarted the gamekeepers and the Capitol, but, in so doing, did they compromise who they were? What if they had taken the fruit and swallowed it? Might rebellion have broken out  in the districts immediately?

Perhaps a Romeo and Juliet suicide is not the proper death to glamorize as an example to the YA of today. We have been aware of a high suicide rate among the young ever since I was in high school. Publishers, gatekeepers, vocal Christians and psychologists alike would frown on a dual suicide ending. No, besides ending the writer’s opportunity for a Katniss and Peeta sequel, a suicide ending too, would have been disappointing.

So, for the sake of honor.  For the sake of everything good and right and true and heroic.  I would have a true martyr’s ending. It would have been impossible not to cry. As it was, my only tears while reading the book were brought on by the district 11 bread parachute.

In my ending, Peeta flung his knife. Katniss laid down her bow. They were shot instantly for their rebellion and disobedience. Rebellion in districts 12 and 11 broke out and was widely imitated in other districts. Were their families in danger?  Of course. Family is always in danger. It is simply a matter of drawing a line in the sand sooner. In this way, Peeta’s integrity remains intact as does Katniss’s courageous honor. As it was, she took the fruit and gave some also to Adam, I mean Peeta, and the ideal took a step backwards.  But, they were only 16 after all. How could they know that the integrity of their controlled Universe rested on one decision; that all hell would later break loose; that they would live only to fight again?

Foul Weather Friends

Cherry Odelberg, photo credit, Kevin Decker 2010

Today I am contemplating foul weather friends. As might be assumed, foul weather friends are the opposite of fair weather friends.  Fair weather friends are those who love to be around you when all is going well, when everything is fun and good times.  Fair weather friends slink away, run away or hide when life hands you things difficult to bear.

Foul weather friends are the ones who are there for you when things go wrong; relationships sour; the refrigerator is empty. But, are the foul weather friends here for me in the good times?  Do they know how to enjoy life with me, or only how to help?  Do I know how to accept their friendship in good times  or only how to use my need as a magnet for their attention?

I have a few of these foul weather friends.  I know I can go to them when I am desperate and they will shelter me with a shoulder to cry on, they will offer lunch, a listening ear or even a room until I get back on my feet emotionally or financially. They seem to have it all together and they never seem to need me to reciprocate.

But I treat them the same way I treat God. I can’t thank them enough. In fact, it is a little embarrassing how much they have helped me over the years.  I am ashamed I had to ask for help. I don’t want to be a bother, so I try and give them a reprieve from my presence when times are good.  I try to stand on my own two feet until I slip up or something goes wrong again.

What I really want are all-weather friends with a life-time warranty. Is there such a thing?Do I have the resources to afford them?  Am I balanced enough to both give and receive? Do I even know how to be free of every feeling of obligation and debt except the debt of love?

Survive or Thrive? Putting my house in order

Cherry Odelberg, November 2011

The fall weather is beautiful.  It makes me want to set my house in order, get rid of the chaff of a lifetime, prepare for a cozy and uncluttered winter. At the approach of 2012, I made it my goal to live the year as though it was all I had been given, a gift of 365 days to thrive or survive.  I have survived, stabilized, reached a rhythm of contentment where I love my life and am mostly free of worry.  Yet, in the remaining two months, I want to thrive.  There are still things to do, places to go, people to see; even as I tuck everything in for the winter. I want to finish strong. Though it is not baseball season, I would love to knock one out of the park before the year’s end. A home run, a victorious finish, that’s what I want. How about you?  Are you exhausted by the time of year or exhilarated by the time of year? I want to align with Caleb:

Mt Garfield from Holy Cross

Give me this mountain!

‘Tho my sight is gone my vision has not dimmed.

Morrow Lake Trail

Give me this mountain,

And renew my strength to mount on eagles wings.

For I have seen you miracles and I believe your promises,

I have run the race, and in your name I now obtain the prize!

Give me this mountain,

One more thing before I die,

Hermits Rest, Morrow Lake

One more chance to prove your promises,

One more war to wage for right,

One more race to run with you right there by my side.

There’s been fire by night and clouds by day,

Manna eaten along the way,

Dry land where the sea had been,

And water from a rock to meet my need.

Morrow Dam Lake

Give me this mountain!

Tho a valley lies beside it,

And Jordan River bound s the other side.

Give me this mountain!

Let me conquer while the young men stand in awe.

I have lived to see this moment and from the highest peak I’ll cry,

Independence Monument, late summer inversion, 2012

“Give me this mountain!

And in peace;

Let me die!”

Cherry Odelberg 1995  (the irony of this date is not lost on me, I was 40 years old when I wrote these lyrics and first recorded the accompaniment)

Is it easier to do good works than to love?

Something has been niggling in the back of my mind. I have noticed that sometimes it is easier for me to take care of people than to love them.  Is caring for someone the same as loving them? Is it possible to love people and not take care of them?

C.S. Lewis said, “If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness.  But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love (The Weight of Glory, circa 1941).”

Given my personality type, I find it easier to self-sacrifice than to love.  Yes, I know it sounds odd, but it is true.  I know how to lay down my life for others.  The question is, do I know how to take up my life and live it as I ought? Do I know how to live with love for others, or is everything I do condescension?

When I care-take and self-sacrifice; am I doing it to control?  To make sure things get done my way?  Or is it an outward action from a heart of love? Such a fine line.

Money makes me happy

When money makes me happy, should I feel shallow?

Money makes me happy.  Oh, I know that money can’t buy happiness, yet, over the years, I have noticed that having a little makes me happy. When I acknowledge this, I feel shallow, superficial, frivolous; because we all know this is wrong.  For instance:

The love of money is the root of all evil.

You can’t serve God and mammon.

Money isn’t everything.

But;

Money buys events

Money can buy the opportunity to be with your friends socially.

Money is what we give the utilities company and landlord to keep the bill collectors at bay.

Could it be it is the events, the friends, that make me happy?

Perhaps the happiness comes from the security of being able to pay my bills this month.

I stopped feeling guilty about being happy over money when I realized the truth of these words by Tony Robbins:  “Progress equals happiness.”

I found that small gem of wisdom, as well as the one that follows,  on Michael Hyatt’s blog site, Intentional Leadership.

According to Dr. Timothy Pychyl, writing in Psychology Today:

… the successful pursuit of meaningful goals plays an important role in the development and maintenance of our psychological well-being. To the extent that we’re making progress on our goals, we’re happier emotionally and more satisfied with our lives.” (Dr. Timothy Pyschyl, Psychology Today)

I should not feel guilty that money makes me happy any more than I feel superficial that good grades make me happy.  Both are a sign of hard work, achievement and progress toward my goal. It is time to be more satisfied with my life.

Do you deserve compassion and forgiveness?

Today, I am thinking about Vanessa Diffenbaugh’s wonderful work; The Language of Flowers (2011), which I have read twice in the past 96 hours.  I cannot get over the enduring love, understanding and forgiveness expressed over and over by the supporting characters; nor the deep understanding of human character and personality disorder exposed so profoundly by the writer.

I want to write like that; to plumb the depths of Hades and return victoriously with Eurydice; leaving my readers entertained, satisfied, hopeful, yet with the knowledge that life still takes work.  Happily ever after does not happen without addressing the issues one day at a time.  Nor does it happen without self-awareness and a compassion for the heart pain of others.

All too often, I subconsciously agree with the adage,”She made her own bed, she can lie in it,” or, “well of course he hurts, he brought it on himself, he deserved it.”

My great take away from this book has to do with what you or I went through. Just because you / I deserved it, does not justify the pain or make it less or any easier. This is true understanding and compassion. Let us be gentle with one another.

Kevin Pulls a Coup; wherein we see that the God of the Universe is good to me

Coup; a highly successful, unexpected stroke, act, or move; a clever action or accomplishment – dictionary.reference.com

How blessed I am that I got to see all three of my (grown) kids on two occasions in the space of two weeks!

I am fortunate to get to see my son Kevin and his family (think grandkids) a few times a week.  Yet, I miss Andrea and Philip and had not seen them since Andrea’s college graduation in early May.

Normally, visiting my children would be as simple as seizing a long weekend and driving 350 miles.  However, my aging Subaru with an odometer reading 340,000 already had its annual towing in June and has been showing signs of warning. I feel more than a bit iffy about heading out of town knowing I might have to call family to rescue me. Things are remote and rocky between Glenwood Springs and Vail or Breckenridge.

I heard they might come through town in early September, but that was at the behest of another and I had no assurance I would see much of them. So, as I said, I was missing my younger two and pretty much beating my fists on heaven’s door in my insistence, “show me a way to get to see my children.”

Meanwhile, Kevin contracted to film Rock Jam and began putting together a crew of a dozen or so.  Now, it happens that my three kids are amazingly talented and successful and all have experience and training at varying levels of videography, not to mention various genres of rock music.

Kevin called his siblings and recruited them.  At first, they declined.  Kevin persisted.  Together we negotiated a way to hurdle the issue of gasoline for a guzzling band van.  Within 24 hours, my two younger children were camping out under my roof, chatting, making music, hiking the beautiful desert trails in my neighborhood, and prepping with older brother for a 72 hour photo and video shoot.

They worked hard.  They shot a lot of footage and made friends and memories.

Kevin, Me, Philip, Andrea on August 26, 2012

And me?  I was feeling like the most blessed mother in the world.  Mother’s Day and Christmas surprise all rolled into a few hot days in August. My kids are creative, talented and successful and I have come to expect amazing things from them; but this time Kevin exceeded my wildest dreams – he really pulled a coup.

Discovering a mica mine

Adobe Abode

When I first moved to my little adobe abode on the fringes of town, I gave my cousin directions as to how to get here for lunch. Trouble was, I couldn’t remember if the left turn was at D or D 1/2 Road. I had confidence in my cousin’s ability to find me from my description because she grew up locally. Turns out it didn’t really matter because the road sign was missing.  After one false turn, she arrived in my driveway, apologizing for a few minutes of tardiness. “Why didn’t you just say you were up the road to the Mica Mine?” she asked.

“Mica Mine?” I questioned blankly.

For reasons that are not a part of this story, every level of my social life; home, school, and work; from junior high through young adulthood was cloistered and stunted. Not so my cousin’s.  She had boyfriends, school leadership roles, summer jobs and an effervescent and indomitable spirit.

My goal for 2012 is to live as though I have only been given one year-to seize the day, so to speak.  Part of that means redeeming things that were lost or missed in childhood and the intervening years.

I pricked up my ears when a co-worker arrived at the office the other day, saying she had taken an early morning walk at the Mica Mine.

Miniature balanced rock

“What makes it so special?”  I asked.

“It’s just beautiful,” was her reply.

At the next opportunity, I decided to explore.  In so doing, I discovered a place that I should have been familiar with in my youth, but somehow missed; a place so beautiful it belongs on my local bucket list, but I was ignorant. Right there, less than 10 miles up the road from my house, was a mini red

Greenery and flowers

rock canyon complete with trickling stream, amazing rock formations, wild-flowers and glittering rocks.

Was it worth driving and spending a morning to hike?  Take a look at the pictures and then tell me what you think.

Stream exists only after rain

There is even a mini window or arch
A sparkling path
and a quarry

 

rock formation

To be a parent

You’ve seen the social media posts urging you to repost or share if your daughter is your best friend; your son is someone you respect and admire; you are a mother and you think about your children 24 X 7 whether you are with them or not.

It is a well known fact that parents make sacrifices for their children. Mothers would starve and give their last bit of food to feed their hungry child.  Parents work two jobs to provide for their children, spend sleepless nights nursing them through illness. A mother or father may take a second mortgage or scale down domestic arrangements to put a child through college.

But there are other sacrifices beyond the material.

How about the father who learned to dance so he could dance at his daughter’s wedding – even though he is ensconced in a denomination that does not dance?

Or; the father who gave his daughter in marriage for the second time – even though he does not believe in divorce and remarriage and still cannot fathom what went wrong the first time.

Consider the mother who, filling the shoes of deceased father, walks hand in hand with her daughter down the garden path and gives her in marriage to – another woman.

Love, pure parental love.  Unwavering.  Unflinching. Happy are the families who can say, “I do not understand or agree with your lifestyle, but I love you, oh how I love you, anyway.” Is that not the love of God the father toward all his sons and daughters?

Are there limits to your parent love?

Yes, I have the most wonderful, talented, wise kids in the world!

Putting One Foot in Front of the Other, Hiking for Life!