We sat out relatively early Saturday morning with a packed picnic lunch. A drove, making it possible for me to sit back and enjoy the ride and the ever changing light and landscape. On the way we stopped and hiked to Hanging Lake, basking in the beauty of summer mountain foliage, waterfalls; the creativity of observation, and the exhilaration of exertion. Arriving in Vail we were mesmerized by the setting and the music and performance of the young voices and were able to greet a few old acquaintances
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The Perfect Birthday
It was an altogether satisfying day. The following day I enjoyed Sunday dinner at a cozy little brew pub accompanied by my three children and my three grandchildren. Life is good when one can say, “It was a perfect birthday!”
NOT on the BUCKET List
Forget the negative things for a moment and consider with me: A lot of great things happen in life that are NOT on one’s Bucket List. When you made that goal list (for instance, in high school) did you ever dream all the GOOD experiences you would have between that time and this? Sure you were told, “You can be anything you want to be!” But, did you really know all the things you would be between then and now? Did you even know the possibilities existed for some of the fabulous things you have experienced? A valid, thoughtful list of “ten things I want to do before I die,” or “list of things I want to do before I kick the bucket,” is made only after one tastes a bit of life, makes a few detours, and refocuses priorities. Take this picture of my dad with ALL my children and ALL my grandchildren. They are one of life’s greatest joys; yet, as a very young adult, I would never have dreamed of putting them on the list beyond a casual, “get married and have kids.”
But What Does It Mean?
Some time ago my daughter-in -law (Sermon on the Mount of Laundry located at sarahsermons.com)wrote a post about “Flip Flop” (http://www.sarahsermons.com/?paged=4) in which she asked “But what does it all mean?” She got a tremendous response in answers.
A day or two later I came home from a weekend trip to higher elevation with my Son, D-I-L and grandbabies and noticed that my best jeans were sporting grass-stain on the rear pockets. Grass Stain! I have not had to deal with grass stain for, oh, 35 years or so. What does it mean? Grass stain on a 53 year old? I tend to think it has a lot to do with my bucket list; my 10 things I want to do before I die.
Prince Caspian and Things Don’t Happen The Same Way Twice
“Things don’t happen the same way twice,” so said Aslan to Lucy in the movie Prince Caspian. “The wardrobe? Oh, you’ll not get back in again that way,” said the professor to the four children in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. And while we are talking of repetition; DID Moses put a spigot on the rock that gushed out water so the masses could always return to that same rock to draw water? No, they did not return. They kept moving forward. Did Jesus always heal blind men by spitting in the dust and putting mud on the eyes?
Things don’t happen the same way twice. While it is good to have trusted, tried and true resources or counselors; one can hardly keep going back to the same friend or the same resource indefinitely; you would milk them dry. The Higher Power, the Creator, is the only limitless resource and (S)He is not limited in creativity. So it is that as I struggle on through life and relationships; I do not limit myself to one friend, one counselor, one confidant, one book, one doctor. I get a second opinion. I turn over lots of rocks, rather than returning to the same handout all the time. I wait in anticipation to see from whence the next word of wisdom or critical sustenance will come. “There is safety in a multitude of counselors.”
Do I accept counsel without question? No. Discernment is also a gift of the creator. If I pray to my Higher Power for knowledge of his will for me and for the power to carry it out; the result is wisdom and discernment and resources and guidance.
Affirmation Addiction
I am a life-long affirmation addict. I am so addicted that I sacrifice who I am just to be who “they” want me to be in order to receive affirmation and applause. I behave well in an attempt to control the emotional responses of the other. If I am good at what I do; no one will ever be angry with me. If I am really, really, good; they might even applaud me or better yet; absolutely love me!
Manipulation
As much as I love praise and affirmation, I hate it when someone controls or manipulates me with it; when someone withholds attention or shames me for being who I am and then praises or thanks me excessively when I am finally who they want me to be; when I finally do life the way they want me to do it.
I care too much about what other people think. I want them to think I am nice; intelligent, fair and just, good looking, cool. If I cannot make them think those things about me; if they hate me; then life is not worth living. Its just like driving. I hate driving because I cannot control the other drivers. I try to drive perfectly. Surely if I am perfect in my driving no one will blare their horn at me, holler, flip me off, or tailgate; right?
There is a difference between working one’s tail off doing what one loves to do, doing the best job possible; and sucking up, knocking oneself out doing something one does or doesn’t like to do–just to receive the praise, affirmation, or reward from someone else.
Step 6 of the twelve steps says, “We are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” Melody Beattie adds, “We decide we are ready to take a risk, and let go of these outdated behaviors and attitudes (Codependent No More, Beattie, 1987).”
This affirmation addiction; this being who other people want me to be. These are outmoded ideas and behaviors.
“If we weren’t trying to control whether a person liked us, or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently?… What haven’t we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or person? (Beattie,1990, The Language of Letting Go, p. 115).”
Prom 2008, Duct Tape Luxury
April 26:Tonight is Prom night at the local high school and Philip and friends have a group date. Fedoras being all the rage this year; he made a couple out of duct tape for the boys. I thought he looked pretty spiffy in his thrift store tux and new white shirt. Corsages for the girls and boutonnieres for the guys of course; its amazing what you can make from duct tape when you put your creativity to it.
Sunshine On My Shoulder
Sometimes a day is so excruciatingly beautiful that I can hardly stand it. So lovely and melancholy at the same time that it brings pain or tears. This can happen without warning; in the best of times or the worst of times; whether or not I am stressed, pressed, or have nothing to do. It makes no difference whether I am in a relationship, ending a relationship, tense with teenagers, coworkers or utterly alone, “Sunshine, almost always makes me high,” as John Denver sang; and yes, it can make me cry also.
Pirate Jack Leaves the Island
OK, I’ve got my hat.
But where’s the rum?
Pirate Jack Leaves the Island
OK, I’ve got my hat.
But where’s the rum?