Yes as a symbol of my advancing (ahem) years and maturity, and in an effort to gather like minded friends about me for walks, book discussions, writing inspiration, and general yakking and philosophizing, I founded my own Red Hat Society Chapter, “Purple Mountain Majesty’s Little Red Writing “Hood.” My title, of course, is Her Purple Mountain Majesty I, and I look forward to adding Majesties II, III, IV and up to my list of walking, talking, reading, and writing buddies. Our ‘Hood will meet as often as possible to hike and write and read what we have written and talk about what we have read and wear what we have red (and purple).
Category Archives: Emotional Health
I consider myself a writer
I Write and I consider myself a writer; but apparently publishers do not consider one a writer unless one has been published. This is very much like trying to get a job with no job experience. So, I have been published. My writing has even been in print for pay via the local newspaper. Yet the agents and publishers are looking for, “established writers.” Last fall I followed my heart. I self-published, in galley or draft form, a children’s book I began working on 10 years ago. I sent copies to my mentors, close friends, and key family members. The response was over-whelming! My daughter and my husband loved the book; and I even sold two additional copies! I have moved closer to yet another item on my “Ten Things I Want to Do Before I Die” list. Although, The Pancake Cat, is chock full true experiences and cultural fact; writing books for children was never my goal. My aim is to write relational fiction for adults; good, interesting, page-turning, novels where the reader can get inside the character’s head, heart, and culture, and experience personal epiphany through the life of the fictional character. My conviction is that well written fiction is much more life changing than non-fiction or how to books. The August issue of “O” magazine carried a most inspirational feature on writers and writing. I have followed the advice of Walter Mosley in his article, “This Year You Write Your Novel.” I have begun a daily practice of rising early and going straight to my computer, rereading and hammering out a chapter or two on my current work in progress, “The Bed; or, Things an Anthology of my Life. At my current pace, I just might finish in two years!
Bitter Sweet and Long Goodbyes
It is on the list of ten things I want to do before I die; this launching of successful, well balanced young adults. Let’s have a moment of applause and a family pat on the back all around as we pack the Subaru to the gills and head off to college. The first semester, tuition and fees, is in the bag; thanks to Andrea’s grade point average, abject need, and 2006 income tax refunds.
Andrea is beside herself with anticipation and also the melancholy of leaving “the band.” I am constantly torn between the euphoria of seeing her do exactly what I have dreamed and scrimped and saved for her to do and losing my daughter who has become my very dear friend and hiking companion over the past year. She is among the last of area college bound freshmen to leave. After a month’s hiatus from June graduation parties; August has seen round after round of long good-byes and going away parties.
The band that meets in my basement has had thoughtful conversations and meditations about breaking up. Rather than keep to a twice weekly practice schedule, they meet and rehearse every available day and feverishly write and arrange new songs. This year’s incoming high school juniors and seniors caught the bus or tried out a parking pass as local schools began yesterday. Philip acted as bus mentor to the neighbor boy who entered middle school (I remember him best as 4 years old). Last year’s seniors have peeled off at a rate of several per week toward Ft. Collins, Greeley, Boulder, Wyoming, and New Mexico. On Friday, Andrea will rise early and depart for Gunnison.
A couple of Sundays ago a male friend popped in to show his pictures from a graduation tour of England. “Let’s see your room, Andrea,” said he. “I wonder if it looks as bad as mine?” Microwaves, small refrigerators, Rubbermaid storage tubs, and boxes of essential supplies are stacked in towers in the domicile of every college bound 18 year old of my acquaintance. Said friend is now hitting the books in New Mexico and by this time next week Andrea’s room will be neat as a pin and ready to serve as guest room – whenever she can catch a ride home.
Bon Voyage, young adults, your independence and responsibility is just beginning!
Sunkist
Ummmm Ummmm. Andrea and I took yet another hike today up the cliff trail of Maxwell Falls and I was once again kissed by the sun. I love the sun. It is becoming quite an important item in my life. John Denver wrote, “Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy……sunshine almost always makes me high.” Indeed, I am fairly high at 8,000 to 9,000 feet. I am quite bronze from my finger tips to my shoulders; a little less brown where the hair shields the back of my neck: and still rather pale of calves and thighs due to the necessity of wearing full length jeans when encountering tall grass or bushes. Anyway, sunshine does marvelous things for one’s spirits and outlook on life. Scientifically sunshine releases endorphins and dopamine – the stuff that makes one feel good. Some have said the sun is an aphrodisiac. Of course some have also said that of chocolate. I do find that sunshine restores a positive balance to my perspective and that a nice long hike in the mountains improves my appetite—for good Chinese food, cheesecake, and other comforts native to adults. To paraphrase another song from my younger years, “Every time you (sun) touch me, I get high.” May my highs always be full of natural ingredients!
Climb Every Mountain
Climb Every mountain ford every stream, follow every (highway, byway, pathway, rainbow) till you find your dream. A lofty endeavor, to say the least, but still worthy of contemplation and action. One of my efforts for the summer was to get plenty of sunshine and exercise for the purpose of wholesome health. In our area three expansive open spaces have been set aside and dedicated by previous owners so that some mountain space will remain forever open; not available for commercial or residential construction. The trails and loops on these open spaces range from 3 to 5 miles in length and may take up to 3 hours to hike depending on the rise in elevation and the terrain. One open space may be accessed a mere 300 yards from my cabin, so I am quite familiar with it. Last week Andrea and I hiked to the very top of Meyer Ranch Open Space on a trail marked, “Old Ski Run.” From the rocky crown we could see miles in every direction. On Thursday we prevailed on Philip to leave his website construction and join us. Bypassing Beaver Ranch Open Space (because they were setting up for Mountain Music Festival) and focusing on Reynolds Park, we persisted in choosing ascending trails until we reached a plateau named Eagle’s Crest. The view to the West (toward the continental divide) was absolutely stunning. We returned home simultaneously refreshed and fatigued.
I’m so glad I did that! On Friday I was offered a new ½ time job as music specialist at an area Core Knowledge School. Meetings and work began in earnest this last Monday, so I am glad I had experienced one last Colorado Rocky Mountain High before summer activities came to an abrupt close.
Wanting Well
Originally uploaded by ein feisty Berg
Wanting Well
There are so many things I WANT to do: take a walk each day for exercise and waist control, finish a sewing project, clean the house thoroughly, write on my two novels, practice all my music instruments…and of course, be working toward the 10 things I want to do before I die.
There is nothing wrong with wanting or strong desire. In fact, the one who has ceased to want anything for oneself and lives only to sacrifice for the dreams and goals, wants and desires, of another has crossed the line into unhealthy co-dependence.
Likewise the one who thinks only of his or her own goals, dreams, and desires; with total disregard for the dreams and needs of those who people the world called ‘family and close friends,’ has tipped the balance toward the unhealthy.
Finding the balance can be a challenge.
It was a very GOOD week!
Perhaps it had something to do with the sun, which I got a lot of, since I went camping with daughter Andrea, my Mom and Dad, and my brother and SIL, on Saturday and Sunday.
Maybe it had to do with finally taking a destination train trip. Oh, I’ve taken the train at Central City before, and the one in Moore Washington, and the Utah Heber Creeper; but, last Tuesday I boarded the train for a trip over the Continental Divide, through the beautiful Rockies and on Thursday I enjoyed the return trip as well.
Then again, I did a lot of riding (which I love) and no driving (which I hate). I did a bit of shopping and was inspired to return home and create some “glorified denim,” which was in the neighborhood of $79.00 in the tourist towns and which I will edit and construct for around $20.00.
But, perhaps, just perhaps, it was a good week because I felt empowered; no longer at the mercy of those who manipulate, dictate, or insinuate for power. I am too old not to notice such games and too self-aware to play along.
On Friday, June 29, 2007 I learned that my job of the past 15 months had not been funded for the fiscal year beginning Monday, July 2! I found this out after declining a different job at the same institution which would have paid more and offered benefits and a couple of stress producing features (extended driving, commuting, and quotas); and while in the process of interviewing for yet a third position. I chose not to take the stressful job, packed my office decor and personal items, drove home and booked myself the train ticket. I am 53 and it is OK for me to be decisive and to have a little break after 15 months of non-stop responsibility. It is also OK for me to be intentionally about the business of those 10 things I want to do before I die.
I spent Monday and Tuesday at college orientation with Andrea – this too feeds my spirit, because it is a joy to see the person she has become and to participate in her plans for education and a future.
I am home now–and job hunting, but still savoring the last few days.
What I really meant to say was……….
Some have pointed out that I talked exclusively about myself in the Blogs titled, “10 things I want to do before I die.” I began the series as a way of thinking through life, seeing how far I have come, and finding the common thread of dreams and motivation. What I meant to say was, “I did some things in unhealthy ways. I also did some things right.” Let’s define those things, correct course, move forward into the future.” I highly recommend this process to readers!
The List Contains 10, (ten things I want to do before I die)
Before I turned 40 I began writing books. I began teaching Language 101 and Manners 101 to my toddlers even through I said I would never home school. I loved playing the piano. I loved precisely rolled and folded fresh laundry neatly tucked exactly where it should be. I loved being a stay at home mom, yard-sale-ing; and I baked tons of bread and stretched chicken and beef to nourish my family on a very limited budget. Aside from budgeting and laundry; what did I want to do with my life?
I wanted to return to Colorado before I died.
I wanted to be a published author.
I wanted to be the quintessential Proverbs 31 woman.
I wanted to mentor younger women and be mentored by older, wiser women.
I began to say that my “Fantasy Island” would be performing on the stage at Red Rocks.
I wanted to find the best public education possible for my kids.
I wanted to spend time around stages, microphones, studios and musicians.
I wanted to invest my life, make a difference in my world, and make a difference in the lives of others.
I wanted to travel and see places unknown, via plane, and train, and auto, to experience “the good life,” in all its changing forms.
I wanted to be a person of knowledge and influence.
Well, Gentle Reader; the list contains 10; some general, some specific; yet remaining consistent through the intervening years; plumb with much of what I desired even in childhood. When we meet again I will endeavor to assess how I am doing; which goals are met, which are yet to strive for.
In the Decade That Was My Twenties
In the decade that was my twenties
I just wanted to survive. I just wanted to die. I wanted to be a songwriter (published and paid). I wanted to be married for a lifetime. I wanted to be the thinnest, most gorgeous babe in the world (in hopes of making my marriage survive). I wanted to scream. I wanted to play the piano constantly. I wanted to sing at the top of my lungs forever. I began to say I would love to have a doctorate. I wanted to do everything right so I would be successful and comfortable and be able, for just one moment or one day or one week, to let go and relax. So, what did I do? I survived. I wrote songs. I experienced a divorce. I became dangerously thin. I gained 20 pounds. I took voice and piano and choir at the college. I screamed. I was not able to do everything right. I was still unable to let go and relax.I