Category Archives: Books and other Soul Food

Books and other Soul Food, Emotional Health, Holidays and Traditions, Uncategorized

To Know and Be Known and the best gift ever

Did you ever receive a gift, large or small, that comforted your soul down to the very core because it was so appropriate to your needs, taste and personality? Sometimes you don’t know you have a need until it is met unexpectedly and you are made whole.
When you were a kid, did you get an extra special gift and beg to take it to school and show it off? I got a gift like that this year. The season of gift-giving is just past. My Christmas is complete. I have received a box from my brother and sister-in-law that scratches an itch way down deep. For the last 23 years they have been a partnership of quintessential gift givers. Last year it was hiking boots – and smart wool socks. This year? Oh, frabjous day! Nobody knows me like my brother and my sister-in-law.
In my honor, they gave a gift to Heifer International.
As if that wasn’t enough; I got two books, TWO, with titles made just for me: “Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a Word That Can’t Stop Talking,” by Susan Cain and “The Walk” by William deBuys. For 24 hours I skipped cooking and gorged myself on the finest trail mix I have ever ingested. And, I got two notepads and a packet of glorious carbon pencils with wondrous sayings printed down the length of each one, encouraging things like, “I write, therefore I am,” “Sit down and get writing!” “Write from the heart.”

What was the best gift you received this year? Time alone? Quality time with someone? Words of affirmation? Some gift of service? An expensive material gift? In my history, any gift over $10 is pretty expensive. The best gifts are those where the thought counts exponentially because the giver was not thinking of expense or obligation; but specifically of who you are, your role in the world, and what the deep desires of your heart are.

Addiction, Books and other Soul Food, Character, Emotional Health, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being

Dueling with the daily despond

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Sometimes, I feel like I have only two settings for my moods; life is wonderful, or get me out of here.  I am constantly observing my habits for ways to take charge of the daily despond. I am not talking about major, long-term, unrelenting depression here. A proper duel doesn’t last long.  Someone wins.  The other loses. The day moves forward. When I take on the daily despond of rising and getting going, I want to be the one who wins.

Maybe these heart healthy habits apply to you too.

Looking up Monument Canyon from Independence
Looking up Monument Canyon from Independence

Walk or hike daily. Second only to getting a good night’s rest, walking or hiking is the most deeply spiritual thing I do.

Make music Making music is right up there with walking and hiking  as brain, heart and soul food. Singing or playing a wind instrument adds an aerobic bonus.

Read and Write –  Sometimes, life is dissatisfying simply because I have not spent time in the company of great thinkers via a good book. Other times, penning a well turned phrase or two in my journal will bring contentment

Eat well I have experienced the jubilant feeling of wellbeing often enough to know that’s what I want every possible day. Eating well includes on time, often and healthful.  Pinto beans are disastrous for my feelings; also, anything with caffeine – including chocolate.  Too little sugar makes me droop.  On the other hand, too much sugar is catastrophic. I suffer in body as well as spirit when I succumb to gorging on my favorite sweets.

As long as I make a beeline for the good things in life – apples, lovely salads, chicken and veggie stir fries, my body and my spirit communicate well. When I cave to the occasional temptation of carbonated drinks, an ice cream, wine or mixed drinks, I pay for it the the next morning – seldom with a headache, but frequently with a vague dissatisfied feeling of non-wellbeing.

Rise with the sun I like to let my body sleep in while my brain is waking up. Rising before dawn is a struggle. Whenever possible, I like to wake naturally with the dawn. Optimum for my frame of mind, is waking gradually  without alarm and having a few moments between sleep and full speed ahead. In these moments, my brain and heart process new ideas and revelations.  I notice what I really think or feel of a goal, problem or relationship after sleeping on it.

This idea is not unique to me.  Melody Beattie recommends paying close attention to your first thoughts and revelations on waking: “Morning Cues, There is an important message for us first thing every day.  Often, once we get started with the day, we may not listen as closely to ourselves and life as we do in those still moments when we first awaken.  An ideal time to listen to ourselves is when we are laying quietly, our defenses are down, and we’re open and most vulnerable. ..lay still and listen and then accept the message.”

Get outside fast When I must set an alarm, my next technique is to get outside as soon as possible, go to the door and stick my head out, open a window.  If the great outdoors is not available to me for some reason, my other option is to get into the shower and let an abundance of hot water cheer me up. Hot running water will forever be my modern luxury of choice. Usually, by the time I am dressed, made-up and out the door, I am invigorated.

Sleep well, rise with the sun, get outside fast, walk, make music, read and write – these all earn a Healthy Heart label.  What choices do you make to keep body and soul healthy?

Addiction, Books and other Soul Food, Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Family, Fiction is Truth, Holidays and Traditions, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

27 Dresses, chick flick with a message

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musingIf you have ever been on the care-taker side of codependent; continuously putting the needs of others above your own, you need to see this movie.

The message of “27 Dresses” was one I sorely needed to hear. It was about loyalty and persevering in service to others-to a fault. It was about a journalist who intuitively pointed out the flaw of the caretaker and, deft as a counselor, kept his focus on the issue and the cure. It was about a best friend who admits her own moral compass does not always point due north, but still cares enough to hold Jane accountable.

In the movie “27 Dresses” Jane finally learns to speak up for herself. The things she says are truths that need to be spoken. But, she does it all wrong. Her friend Casey points out that she unleashed 20 years of hurt in a cruel way. Instead of just going straight to the person and speaking the truth, Jane waited until she was completely angry and then exposed her sister publicly. People suffered. Jane suffered.  Some important relationships were nearly lost.

I have been there before; both on the job and in the home.  It is a place where you perform a small intervention (as it was termed in communications class), but something goes wrong.  Either you do it horribly wrong or it is received in the worst possible way.  The result is a complete and absolute end of the relationship.  Talking has no result.  Apologies go unheeded. Reconciliation and restoration are out of the question.

Why is it so hard for a people pleaser – someone who really does care about others- to speak directly? How is it we think that covert hints are better than direct confrontation; clever exposures more valid than courageously speaking our own needs?  Is it wise to keep stuffing our own wants until we explode in overkill? As a result of covert, clever overkill; I have been accused of being mean and controlling for exposing the weaknesses and deceit of others, when I most want to be known as a loving and accommodating person.

“27 Dresses” is also a story about second chances. It turned out alright. Jane was contrite about doing it wrong and she immediately acted on doing things right to the favor of her future.  Her sister took the chance to hear and be heard and it benefitted her future behavior as well. Both were better people for truth spoken and heeded.

Some things I covet from 27 Dresses:

1) friends who stick with you and hold you accountable until you do the right thing the right way; family who loves unconditionally,  and the chance to keep practicing until you get it right.

2) to be like Jane, tirelessly doing unto others what I would have them do for me.

3) to be so true to myself that it raises the bar of loving my neighbor as I love myself.

Pretty strong messages for a chick-flick, don’t you think?

Addiction, Books and other Soul Food, Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Family, Fiction is Truth, Health and Long Life, Uncategorized

Would you like your closure before or after death?

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ProbingI have heard psychologists recommend it as important to get closure before the death of  a significant other; to confront the father who abandoned, the mother who neglected or the parent who exacted too violent a punishment, however just. I know healthy adults who had these conversations with aging parents with happy result. Sin was acknowledged, forgiveness was offered and accepted – sometimes even begged.

When death comes unexpectedly soon and we are left with question after question and no closure; what then?

Many years ago, when I was a fresh divorcée; raw from every attempt to keep a husband who wanted freedom, I heard a panel of young widows on Focus on the Family. They were discussing with Dr. Dobson the pain of their loss.  One said the most painful time was when she saw a man checking out at the store.  From behind, he looked like her husband.  She resisted the urge to run throw her arms about him and was devastated when he turned and the illusion was broken.

I knew something of that experience, and longed to give my response. Though the finality of divorce is a bit stickier than the finality of death; in a small town, the chances of actually meeting my estranged husband at the store were real. So too, the possibility of seeing him with another woman. Restraint was essential, denial useless.

Over time, I came to see that denial might have been faced with healthy result much earlier in the relationship. I endeavored to write a novel about it-to help others with my experience. That book and two others remain works in progress.

TTTD Ebook promoEnter psychologist turned author Bonnie Grove whose book “Talking to the Dead,” deals with similar issues of love and loss, appeasement and denial – and closure.  Only this is closure with the already dead.

What do you think?  What would you want? Is it better to unmask denial or betrayal and find closure with the living; or to discover, after death, those things you never wanted to know?

 

Books and other Soul Food, Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Fiction is Truth, Spiritual Well Being, The Rules, Uncategorized, Wealth and Fame

I am mildly disappointed in The Hunger Games

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Cherry Odelberg, photo credit Kevin Decker 2010

I have just finished reading The Hunger Games.  It was a great book. I am mildly dissatisfied with the conclusion.  Before I proceed to analyze why, I am sure you have one of two possible reactions which must be dealt with before you can concentrate on what I have to say.

1. Why are you just now getting around to reading this book?

OR

2. What is a 58 year old woman doing reading a YA fiction book?

The simple answer to both questions is: I am a writer, mother, grandmother and I hold down job(s) in the real world.

The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins, 2008), is more than a dawning of love between vampires or fidelity and character among institutional witches and it is worth a thorough read.

The overall narrative initially and consistently reminded me of Animal Farm or Brave New World, a couple of futuristic stories in the junior great books anthologies, and some ancient myth.  It is a book to entertain, to take you on adventure, to make you think. And thinking is what I did as I turned pages – faster and faster into the wee hours.

My first disappointment came with Peeta. I wanted him to be less passive, more warrior.  But he is only sixteen.  How much can you expect of a 16 year old, a grasp of all the virtues and character traits including Love?  These are issues I yet ponder at my age and I am a voracious reader in part due to my endless search for the ideal. Peeta certainly grasps the essence of unconditional and enduring love. Also, it is hard to find fault with his determined philosophy to not let the competition change who he is.  Why do I have trouble with his inactivity and passivity, do I not truly believe all you need is love?

My lingering disappointment has to do with the ending. She took the fruit and gave some to him – but they didn’t eat it, not really, they only pretended to. They outsmarted the gamekeepers and the Capitol, but, in so doing, did they compromise who they were? What if they had taken the fruit and swallowed it? Might rebellion have broken out  in the districts immediately?

Perhaps a Romeo and Juliet suicide is not the proper death to glamorize as an example to the YA of today. We have been aware of a high suicide rate among the young ever since I was in high school. Publishers, gatekeepers, vocal Christians and psychologists alike would frown on a dual suicide ending. No, besides ending the writer’s opportunity for a Katniss and Peeta sequel, a suicide ending too, would have been disappointing.

So, for the sake of honor.  For the sake of everything good and right and true and heroic.  I would have a true martyr’s ending. It would have been impossible not to cry. As it was, my only tears while reading the book were brought on by the district 11 bread parachute.

In my ending, Peeta flung his knife. Katniss laid down her bow. They were shot instantly for their rebellion and disobedience. Rebellion in districts 12 and 11 broke out and was widely imitated in other districts. Were their families in danger?  Of course. Family is always in danger. It is simply a matter of drawing a line in the sand sooner. In this way, Peeta’s integrity remains intact as does Katniss’s courageous honor. As it was, she took the fruit and gave some also to Adam, I mean Peeta, and the ideal took a step backwards.  But, they were only 16 after all. How could they know that the integrity of their controlled Universe rested on one decision; that all hell would later break loose; that they would live only to fight again?

Books and other Soul Food, Emotional Health, Holidays and Traditions, Music and Theatre, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Oh, the bliss of holiday music

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There is nothing quite like the joy of having heard a good musical concert; having seen an exceptionally  good movie; reading a good book; or going for a walk and having a great intellectual thought.   You find yourself crowing inside, wanting to say to everyone you meet, “Hey, the best thing just happened to me, I am overjoyed.”

What?  What happened?  Did you win the lottery? Meet the person of your dreams?

No, not that.  I…I just heard a perfectly executed, exquisite picardy third last night-from mere high school children; and I am undone.  

Sometimes one great musical moment is enough to make you forget any amateurish antics or dissonance that went before. Beautiful harmonies, well executed, heal the emotion if not the soul. I wish it were not so rare.

It happened to me once in Texas, at a state fair.  The midway was so noisy, the hawkers so abrasive, we acquired headaches and nausea and determined to leave early.  On the way to the gate, we saw that the President’s Own Marine Band was about to perform.  We detoured. The moment the huge bells of euphonium low brass turned our way, mighty decibels of perfectly pitched perfection went straight to our eardrums, soothing as only music can.

“Perhaps,” you will say, “It is all in the eye, the mind, of you – the beholder.”

Ah, yes, and may it continue.  I cannot think of anything better than to be a flesh and blood music amplifier.  Off to church now, in anticipation that the drums and bass will gently rock me toward even more gratitude to the creator for making me thus.

Books and other Soul Food, Fiction is Truth, Spiritual Well Being, Uncategorized

Ah, It’s a Book!

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When my younger two children were growing up, our entire family loved books.  We waited in anticipation at birthdays and holidays for the packages that arrived from my brother and sister-in-law; Phd Book-lovers who frequented the best bookstores. Whether delivered by UPS or US Mail, we sighed in contentment when the box was opened and we could tell by the unmistakable shape of the package inside, “Ah, it’s a book!”

 You will understand my delight last fall, when a representative of WaterBrook Press contacted me via facebook.  In return for my mailing address, she promised to send me a book. I was happy to make the trade.  I trust Waterbrook. I know the propensity of publishers to move out overstock of good, but less popular, authors via giving promo books away.

When the book arrived at my Colorado home of record, I was in transition to the Northwest, living in one room at my cousin’s home in Shoreline, WA.  Having in my possession only such essentials as I could fit into a 1994 Subaru Legacy, my daily pilgrimage became the Richmond Beach Library two blocks away. There I conducted my internet errands and became a regular on the waiting lists for the best books.

 My mother dutifully contacted me when she received the package from WaterBrook Press.  Since I am an aspiring writer, she treats packets from publishers as priorities.  “Open it,” I directed, “I think it is a book that I won.  If so, go ahead and read it and keep it there in storage.  I’ll pick it up later with the rest of my belongings.”

 Ah, it was a book! It would have to wait until I retrieved my belongings from storage.

 Life is short: re-read only the best books

 The best books are books you re-read over and over again.  I adopted this description of a good book from Sheldon Vanauken, acquaintance of C.S. Lewis, after reading his book, A Severe Mercy.

 I have a handful of books that I re-read often, for various reasons:

1) Laughter, entertainment, a well-turned phrase

2) Daily recreation and restoration, encouragement

3) Knowledge and instruction, clarity

4) Insight into human nature, understanding

5) Vicarious adventure, travel, history

One box of such books came with me in the over laden Subaru.  The box was marked, “Essentials,” and it included all my books by C.S. Lewis, George MacDonald, Tolkien; Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice; Blue Like Jazz; The Shack,  and five DVDs that have marked my life (also for the reasons listed above). The book I return to over and over again for comfort and clarity is George MacDonald’s, The Marquis’ Secret.  In it I find a portrait of courage, confidence and assurance of destiny, which I aim to emulate.

I have a relationship with a book

Susan Meissner’s latest book, “Lady in Waiting,” moved to my essential, must re-read, list at precisely page 96. That was the page at which I reached for a pen to underline a descriptive phrase and remembered just in time that my book belonged to the library. I didn’t want to return the book.  I wanted to have a relationship with that book.  Although I am a fast reader and the book is a page turner, I kept it for the full three weeks; re-reading chapters every night. My need was so great, it never occurred to me to return it quickly for the benefit of those other readers on the waiting list (I waited three months for my turn).

I deposited Lady in Waiting in the library drop box while in route to my new apartment with my first load of belongings. Since I commute to a full time job five days a week, it took several days for me to settle in.  As my second weekend approached, I began to long for a reliably good book.  Several times I headed to my computer to place an online order; an order for a book I could read and underline and have a relationship with.   Repeatedly, I was distracted by some other detail to attend to in preparation for my parents’ short notice arrival that weekend. 

After a weekend full of relatives, when my parents had gone to their lodging for the night on Sunday, I was in need of re-centering and refreshment for the upcoming week. I once again cast about for just the right thing to read, regretting that I had not visited a bookstore or carried through with my online ordering.

 My eyes fell on the basket of collected miscellaneous mail Mom brought with her.  Tucked between the junk mail and magazines that I had not asked for was a padded envelope from WaterBrook Press. “It’s a book,” I thought with joy.

Imagine my, more wonderful than fiction, amazement and gratitude when the book that slid from the packet was Susan Meissner’s Lady in Waiting.

Thank you, Susan; and thank you, WaterBrook; for facilitating this reminder that God cares about the very little details of my life; that we always have choices; that God gives the desire of our hearts.