Since most of us do not know where or when we will die, I have to make some short term-goals that insure my long-term goal comes to fruition. Therefore;
I want to work in a beautiful place.
I want to live in a beautiful place.
I want to travel and see beautiful places.
I want to be happy.
I want to be at peace.
There were times in the not so distant past when I walked along a beach and said, “Now God? Could I just die now amidst all this beauty?” But that was not to be, so I continue to make sure I frequent beautiful places and take inspiring walks.
Until recently, I was not bold enough to confess that I want to be happy, nor did I realize how much peace and happiness depend on my own choices or actions.
And always, I continue to explore what is meant by love.
I want to die in a beautiful place.
Until then, I want to live a life of love, happiness and peace.
That is going to take much thinking and a good deal of writing.
A residence where every type of music and musical personality emanates from the walls of every room.
Another curtain call – one last hurrah in the final stages of life.
What could be more appropriate?
I took myself to a movie last night. Yes, I skipped supper and ran out the door after my final piano student to make it to the historic, downtown Avalon before showtime. I sat in the lumpy and aged theater seats of what was known as the Cooper Theater in my childhood. It was the place I first saw the original “Fantasia.” Also where I gagged at the smell of a cigarette smoked surreptitiously nearby. But that was once upon a time, very long ago.
As the reel rolled, I was reminded over and over again of who I am and who I used to be. More importantly, I was reinforced in my resolve of the past few years to live each year as though I have been given 365 days to live. Things that need to be said, relationships that need to be healed, dreams I want to come true; come under deadline when I have been given 365 days to live. As Robert D. Smith says in his book, 20,000 Days (2013), “…imminent death inspires clarity of purpose.”
Was it a feel-good movie? Do tears make you feel good? Does getting older comfort your soul? In some ways, the plot was reminiscent of “August Rush” with the underlying theme of never giving up on your music. Over the past year, I have played numerous one hour piano gigs at retirement centers. The movie, “Quartet,” is a poignant and comedic reminder of the changes that happen as talented, intelligent people age. Think of it as “Pitch Perfect,” for great- grandparents.
These were opera singers. While I have never aspired to sing opera, the similarities to the music life in general brought back vivid memories – pictures from the scrapbook of time. Reggie’s magnificent presentation, to high school kids, of the similarities between rap and opera reminded me of numerous times I stood in front of a class, endeavoring to engage middle schoolers by following the common thread, however thin, between their favored genre and classical music – back through history to the roots of music.
Are you like me? Whatever my goals and dreams, I want to keep doing them, reaching that high-point again and again. It is not enough to cross something off the bucket list – to redeem and reconcile the past. Living each day in the present, saying what needs to be said and doing what needs to be done daily is also part of the deal.
I will make music. I will. I will. I will. And, I will live to write about it.
What are you doing in the 365 days you have been given? Are you keeping the music alive? Please leave me a comment, so we can encourage each other.
A brief return to the stage as Mrs. Mullins in the 2006 production of Carousel at Colorado Christian University in Lakewood, Colorado, Matt Nageli as BillyA five-month foray into the world of barbershop singing with a quartet of my own in early 2012
Not Pictured: A senior’s oldies band I played with briefly in Seattle in 2011 resulted in relationships with other aging musicians.
This year, I want to know more who I am each day; to pursue heartily the person I am created to be, though it may take me a few degrees outside my angle of comfort.
Cherry Odelberg – I write about relationships Photo credit Kevin Decker 2010
Happy New Year! I am only a few days late, so I’ll make it simple. My goal this year is the same as last: To live as though I have been given 365 days to live. Why reinvent the wheel? Some who have gone before have said it much better:
“The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences (Eleanor Roosevelt).”
“No Reserves. No Retreats. No Regrets (William Borden).”
Promptly with the new year, a new book crossed my path and was subsequently loaned me by a good friend. 20,000 Days and Counting (Robert D. Smith), is a slim manuscript, in which I found the words of William Borden quoted above. From the author himself, I enjoyed these nuggets which apply directly to 365 days to live:
“Live each day as if it were your last – imminent death inspires clarity of purpose.”
“There is no thought that will purge your priorities of worthless and worldly tastes like that of your impending death.”
For me, there are still many places to go and people to see. The year past was not one of travel and travel is on my bucket list. I still want to see the wonders of all 50 States and some foreign places as well. I want to talk deep and laugh with my children.
There were things I experienced this year that had not made it to my bucket list, yet made for richer life. I hiked most of the trails in Colorado National Monument; many in solitude, most in sunshine, and once in moonlight with my brother and sister-in-law. I plunged into the Colorado and Gunnison Rivers in a borrowed kayak with no reserves, no retreat, and certainly no regrets. I reclaimed my right to share my musical gift by singing in a quartet and tickling the ivories at retirement centers. My spirit has been too full of fear and reticence for over 50 years. May I remember, “I am always divinely guided…I will always take the right turn in the road…God will make a way where there is no way (Norman Vincent Peale).”
In December of 2011, I glibly typed, “People who have only a year to live spend lots more time with family. They renew old friendships and polish up their relationships… I want to invest in life-long friendships and loving and tending of family.” So far, so good. I spent time with grandkids, my son, my DIL, my parents. It would have been nice to see my two younger children as often as I saw my two old friends.
All four generations
Then I wrote, “There is no time to waste on pursuing or flirting with new relationships.”
And it wasn’t even on my bucket list
Someone should have asked me: Please explain how you can play gigs at retirement centers, present singing valentines with a quartet, provide private piano lessons and elementary tutoring, be employed as a cashier; without embarking on new relationships?
What I meant was; I will not go chasing men or searching for new best friends.
Actually, a couple friends did question me. They were aghast that I did not feel I needed a man in my life. I knew better. I know that my singleness is the outcome of two failed marriages. Ultimately, the culprit in both cases was probably my dependence on the affirmation of a man.
Colorado National Monument Visitor’s Center
But, what happened was; I found the perfect seasonal job where – gasp – I made new friends. Now this should not have taken me by surprise. I have a degree in Organizational Management. Over and over in classes such as Praxis of Organizational Health and Growth, I heard: no matter what your field, nor how difficult the labor; it is the people you work with who make it a good job or a bad job.
My summer and autumn months were full of sunshine, enjoyable work, professional relationships, endearing students. And yes, each I had to hold loosely, to stay until it was time for me to go. Mid-winter approaches. Enough of looking back. Time to move courageously into the next 365 days.
About this time last year, I determined to live as though I had been given only 365 days to live. I pointed out:
“I could not afford to waste any time. My bucket list would be overhauled from, “someday I would like to have a Phd. in Music,” to “what information and knowledge do I need, right now, to make better music?”
I love studios, microphones and stages. There were still songs unsung and stages untaken. I wasn’t given time to get there solo; but knew I might get there by joining forces with a few talented friends.
January, February, March, and April were a whirl of music as a quartet formed, blended, melded; musically, spiritually in intimate friendship. We sang for a full day of Valentines – and ate and drank our profits. It was almost magic.
And then abruptly, we dissolved. Too much busyness of life and too much baggage caught up and it was time for me to go.
While singing solo may be daunting; Eighty-eight keys are more manageable addressed by one. I received much needed musical fulfillment from playing over 21 pop/folk piano gigs at local retirement residences. There again, as 2013 advances, I will stay until it’s time for me to go.
Writing, when seen through the lens of 365 days to live, also takes a shift. “I want to be published, and achieve a certain amount of acclaim,” becomes, “I want to write my heart, get it all on paper, for the benefit of those who follow after and the great conversation.”
While I did more writing in 2012, I am not sure I finished everything that needed to be written. I cut 20,000 words of raw truth from a 60,000 manuscript and added better fiction; reworking several chapters into short stories. I continued to write for Examiner.com, finding that the shear exercise and accountability of writing to curséd specifications was growing me as a writer. For a few days, I was hugely inspired by the idea of re-releasing The Pancake Cat – complete with illustrations by Andrea. All these dreams may come to fruition in the coming year; along with other completed manuscripts; but they did not reach the finish line in 2012.
We are three days into 2013. Here I will stay until it’s time for me to go.
Andy Williams, Elvis Presley and Neil Diamond crooned, “Then I’ll stay, until it’s time for you to go (Buffy Sainte-Marie).” Though I am a tenaciously loyal soul, this has been my chosen motto and mission this year.
It is one thing to commit, in marriage, for life. Quite another to commit wholeheartedly when you don’t know how long the life of a project, activity or job may be. I am learning, ever so slowly, to hold things loosely, not to base my dreams, goals, or life on any one particular outcome, event or circumstance; not to control the response of another.
I am learning that you cannot force the outcome with relationships; job, social, spiritual, even love.
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image (Thomas Merton)”
One of the ways I let those I love – including me (because how can you love your neighbor as yourself if you don’t love yourself well enough?) – be perfectly themselves; one of the ways I remember to hold jobs and opportunities loosely; is to go about humming quietly:
“Don’t ask why,
Don’t ask how
Don’t ask forever…
I’ll stay until it’s time for me to go.”
Elvis, Neil Diamond, Andy Williams; they sang so convincingly. Now, the task is to convince myself.
Putting One Foot in Front of the Other, Hiking for Life!
About this time 
January, February, March, and April were a whirl of music as a quartet formed, blended, melded; musically, spiritually in intimate friendship. We sang for a full day of Valentines – and ate and drank our profits. It was almost magic.
While I did more writing in 2012, I am not sure I finished everything that needed to be written. I cut 20,000 words of raw truth from a 60,000 manuscript and added better fiction; reworking several chapters into short stories. I continued to write for 
“Don’t ask why,