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The Ghosts of Christmas Past

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The memories belonged to her. The memories were hers to keep. For a long time, she didn’t know that. Some of the memories were too wondrous to believe. Other memories were so painful she didn’t ever want to revisit them. She noticed that even with the wonderful memories came that twinge in the side, the catch in the breath, the knowledge that those good times were gone forever and would never return. So, because even the good times hurt; because she chose not to revisit the bad times – to ever think of them again; she boxed up those memories, labeled them, “do not open,” and stored them in the attic of her mind. 

Somehow, she thought she could no longer use the silver and gold and the good china simply because it was all packed up with the shattered crystal and the refuse of past relationships. It was a tangled mess. But there is a difference between untangling and unraveling. Once the years had run their course and she was healed of her unraveling, she began the untangling. She separated the paper roses and shards and discarded them. And she resolved not to be any longer robbed of the good memories. The good memories belonged to her. She was an active participant in those memories; not a passive, shriveled up defeated observer. There were memories of diamonds and rubies and stars and constellations and melodies and stages. There was snow and sleigh rides; warm beaches and plane rides. There were memories of small children and grown children and parents and grandchildren. And yes, sigh, there were memories of lovers and proposals – – and betrayals. 

“Only a friend can betray a friend, a stranger has nothing to gain (Michael Card 1984).”

When a friend comes close enough to be a real friend – to actually mean something to your heart – there is always the potential for pain. If not the pain of betrayal; then certainly, some day, the pain of loss.

And this was the year she decided to actively, intentionally unpack the memories; to savor the good memories. To experience joy. To be at Peace. With her past and with her future.

The Ghosts of Christmas Past Slide Show by Cherry Odelberg 2020. Smile At This Lovely Time of Year, written and sung by Cherry (Cheryl Shellabarger) Odelberg, Produced and Arranged by Harvey Schmitt. Recorded at WHS recording studios, Dallas Texas first released on Christmas With Jonah and the Wailers CD and cassette at Fellowship Bible Church, Dallas Texas circa 1995

Character, co-dependence, Emotional Health, Goals and Dreams, Health and Long Life, Spiritual Well Being

Memories of the Past

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“Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.”  Elizabeth Bennet in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.

I have a friend who is expert at moving on.  Make that, moving on and succeeding.  If anyone wins at life she does. Dealt a series of unfortunate relationships, she is still able to plot and plan for the future and surface on top.  Is she always cheerful, effervescent?  Hardly.  Is she in robust physical and mental health? Negative.  But she is able to embrace – to acknowledge the good in her memories of past relationships.  That makes it possible for her to savor past good while moving forward into the unknown.  Part of this is due to a no nonsense course of forgiveness.  Instead of continuing mired down in failure, she yet has hope in mankind and man in particular.

For me, it is frequently dangerous to embrace the good memories.  I might slide down the slippery slope to my past. I am still stalled at the idea that forgiveness means overlooking or forgetting and going back to the way things were. I like to do things right.  I am mortified when I do something wrong.  I am a great fixer. I feel I need to begin again at the stage things began to go wrong. I am Don Quixotic in my need to right the un-rightable wrong; straighten all the crooked rugs of my wake; square everything up to perfection.

Over and over I need reminders: Move forward.  Onward.  Forgive.

Quit using your freedom as an opportunity to repeat the past. Or as biblical wisdom indicates; you are called to freedom!  How do you again return to the beggarly way you used to live?

To think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure, is most certainly healing – maybe not reconciling. In my current WIP (work in progress) – my casual attempt to run alongside  NaNoWriMo – the main character is exploring the idea of forgiveness and moving forward.  How about you?  Do you wallow in the past?  Or do you think only of the past as the memory brings you pleasure?