Tag Archives: Nurturing

An Easter message to moms of grown – or growing – children

Photo courtesy of my friend Jody Pautsch-Wygans who loves to raise chicks

Please stop trying to do it for me. I am capable of bursting out of my shell myself. All the time I have been in this egg, this cocoon, has been preparation for me doing it myself. You know how chickens and eggs work.  You are the one who taught me if the hen – or a human – tries to help the chick out of the shell prematurely, often the chick withers and dies. Take a hint from this chick; if you continue to interfere in your well-meaning efforts to promote my life, I will die. Already you are hovering so close I cannot breathe. Have you no faith in me?  Do you think I am not capable?  Not able to do it on my own?

When at work, It is a welcome sight to see the relief crew arrive when you have fulfilled your responsibilities and completed your shift.  It is another thing entirely to be “relieved of your duties.” In the work world, when I am relieved of my duties, I hurt, I am displaced, I am no longer needed.  There is nowhere I belong. I languish.

When you are a rescue parent and you swoop in too soon – rescue prematurely, you communicate to your child your lack of faith in his or her ability to figure it out – to solve the problem. In your fear that your child will not solve it the right way – the way you feel it ought to be done – you relieve them of their duties. You have just fired them from their position of self-management.

So, take a hint from the cute Easter chicks out there.  Do pay attention to your chicks. Ooo and aaaah, and cheer from an appropriate distance. Stand close enough to hear if they call for help.  In times of danger, spread your wings if they need protection. But if you have offspring already hatched and grown, please don’t try to pet or force or meddle them out of the shell. Believe the best in them.  Believe they can do it. They have a shell to peck (and probably even the education to do it). Don’t impede progress by getting underfoot in your helpfulness. Trust them, rather than relieving them of their duties.