But words unsaid can hurt me

Cherry Odelberg - I write about relationships Photo credit Kevin Decker 2010
Cherry Odelberg – I write about relationships Photo credit Kevin Decker 2010

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  Well now, that’s a laugh.  Of course words hurt me.  Oh, I know this saying means well.  It was made to encourage; meant to be used as a retort of confidence; to proclaim to the world, “I am not down yet. Up and take another. I’m letting the words roll off like water off a duck’s back.”

But, suppose, just suppose you know someone whose love language is words of affirmation; what then?  Words unsaid might hurt more than words of derision.   Day in, day out to be starved of love and be called upon to rise to the occasion and make bricks anyway – without straw.  Like a baby who is never comforted by touch, might not that soul shrivel up and die; blow away with a broken heart?

I am old, and have heard a few hurtful phrases in my day. Though they hurt, I am a wordsmith and can retaliate with craft. I can fight with words, parry and evade, even brandish the retort, “Sticks and stones…”  But words unsaid?  Those are an insidious phantom I can never best.

Writers deal in words, hug a writer, better yet, praise a well turned phrase.  Trust me on this, a writer will get more mileage than anyone else on a soupcon of affirmation or reward. 

8 thoughts on “But words unsaid can hurt me”

  1. You bring to light a fantastic point here, Cherry! I really enjoy reading your postings when I get a chance.

    Thank you for sharing such personal and thoughtful ideas with the world.

  2. CHerry, the concept of “words unsaid” is a deep, raw blade that never will leave my heart. For me, it is “why?”. My biological father left when I was two. Yet, he never once tried to contact me, or my brother, when we were adults. Yet he sent letters and flowers to my sister, the unborn child he also left behind, while she was at college. I love my adopted father, he has been my daddy since I was 12. But the “why?” of a child never goes away. Thankfully, my daddy has covered over the wound and kissed it better. If I ever meet the shell of a man who walked out on his two children and pregnant 22 year old wife, I may just say to him “We weren’t enough for you? You weren’t enough for us.” and mention the fine, Christ-loving man God put in his place and made our lives what they are today.

  3. That’s so true, Cherry. It’s funny, my own mind has wrestled with the lack of acknowledgment from questions asked of a literary guru. They have time to answer others, but never me. It’s probably nothing, but there’s a pain there that causes me to go back less and less.
    I enjoy what you post and hope you continue to feel encouraged. You’ve got a lot to say and do it well!

    1. You Sir, are a wealth of encouragement to me, and I have seen it extended to others.
      What’s more; mulling on your profession and chosen denominational venue has provided me some spiritual journey enlightenment across the cyber-distance (How’s that for obtuse thanks?).

  4. Ironic, isn’t it, that those who write to extend communication and tell stories, so often need the affirmation of others to convince themselves their words are not in vain! A hug from one writer to another. And blessings.

    1. Thanks for visiting, Michelle. Yes, I think the love languages are reciprocal- we give and receive in our language of choice. In light of that, sometimes the golden rule; do unto others as you would have them do to you, needs a little bit of tweaking and I have to remember not everyone receives or gives the same as I do. I may have to go out of my way to touch someone, while they may need to go out of their way to give words of affirmation to me.

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