Needs, Wants and Answered Prayers

It is important to have needs and wants; and to be able to identify them. How else will you know when your needs are met? How else will you know if you got what you wanted-or if a prayer was answered?

For too long I was timid and lazy about this. Rather than coming boldly to the throne of that Higher Power, rather then knocking on the door insistently, repeatedly, until my needs were met and prayers answered; I simply waited, timid and needy, saying to myself, “God knows what my needs are before I ask. My God will supply all my needs. I will know it is a true need, not just a frivolous selfish desire; when the need is met.”

Like everyone else, I have the basic need for food, shelter, and love. I want to be successful enough to feed, shelter, and love others with material provision, too. But it seems I get the cart before the horse a bit if I am straining to do these things for others, but I am still engaged in self-neglect, self-hate, and a homelessness of soul.

I want to take care of myself, to provide for my needs, and to have enough to share with others. I want to love myself grandly, so I can love others as I love myself. These are my identified needs, goals and prayers. I will know when they are answered.

Need, Want or Answered Prayer?

Writing a friendly letter

Dear Friends, 

As you can SEE all is well

I post these pictures to you, not to gloat, nor to conjure jealousy; but so you can see that all is well with my spirit. You know how much mountains mean to me. 

Today, I am enjoying an unfettered day, which is different than a day off or a free day.  Unfettered days can be busy, and I have accomplished a lot mentally, spiritually, and physically.

 These days, I get a real workout just going up and down three flights of stairs.  That means my walks are taken for the sheer pleasure of inhaling sea air and strolling on the beach.  Very uplifting. 

 Yesterday, I trained 9:00 A.M. to 5:00 P.M.  Wednesday was the same.  Tuesday was my first day of training and I spent all day Monday with son Kevin, DIL Sarah, and the four grandkids. It was lovely to sight-see in Seattle with them.  I treasure my children and grandchildren.

I have a similar picture of Andrea and Philip, in this very same spot, 18 years ago.

 Today, I woke in the company of my thoughts and worked through a number of things before rising.  As my tea and oatmeal heated, I grated three zucchini, grown in my cousin’s garden, and sliced some yellow summer squash to set aside for dinner.  Three trays of green tomatoes are slowing changing color on the granite kitchen window sill.  I have been eating sautéed veggies with a sprinkling of bacon or cheese for most meals.  The owners of the house in which I am rooming (my cousin and his wife) are touring England and I am luxuriating in the solitude of a quality, well-appointed mini-mansion. I am also scoping out the neighborhood for rooms to rent as I take my near daily walks.  

As seen from my window

 This morning the sun was shining brilliantly and I treated myself to a walk to Saltwater Park and a stroll along Richmond Beach,

On a sunny day

snapping a bunch of pictures.  On my return to the house I enjoyed a shower, a pedicure, arranged a few things, and then walked 12 blocks to the Market to buy flour and sugar and eggs (to go with the grated zucchini, don’t you know).  A canvass Core Knowledge bag with shoulder straps is ideal for such a trip to market.

 One of my friends from the dessert of Colorado commented that I will probably meet a lot of interesting folks in Seattle, and she is right.  Seattle is an interesting blend of the Wild West and New England.  I am looking forward to my impending job of checking groceries at Safeway.  Not only will it be nice to make a living, I can’t think of a better way to get to know the community.

 Please write soon.  I long to hear your news.  I am only as far away as your laptop or computer keyboard, so don’t be a stranger.  You have enriched my life.

 Time for me to close now, and walk to the library to post this – also to pick up a good read:  The Shape of Mercy, by Susan Meissner – and a Brian McLaren book.

A Parable about major surgery and marriage

A dearly loved one was in a coma, and had lain that way for months, unresponsive to medical intervention and ministrations of close family members. After much consultation, the doctors said it appeared the immediate family had a choice to make: Leave the beloved on all invasive support systems, in which case death was inevitable, but might take an indefinite amount of time, maybe years. Or, detach life support systems and stand by and comfort as the loved one passed through the valley of the shadow. Both doctors called in for consultation freely attested they had seen occasional patients rally and live full lives after removal of life support. The next of kin saw a ray of hope in this possibility of miraculous recovery.

The next of kin nodded tearfully and said, “I see the plug has to be pulled.  I will stand by and comfort if this is the end, or I will stand firm and cheer while the beloved gains strength if this is a rally.” 

Then began other family members to bicker and to say, “What do you think you are doing?  This never works. Put the plug back in, the doctors do not know what they are talking about.”

The compassionate doctors, finding that another family member continued to slip in during the night and tamper with the equipment; and seeing that the next of kin did not have the strength to withstand the clamor of the ignorant; consulted once more with the immediate family.

“We are agreed,” the physicians said, “that the best and least invasive course of action is to pull the plug and to nurture the patient toward strength if that becomes possible.  We are also agreed that to simply leave the patient on complete support is sure death. We recommend, that you move the patient from ICU to a convalescent center. There is one other medical option, quite aggressive and the odds are 50-50. It involves major surgery.”

What think you that the next of kin will decide?  And if the next of kin opts for 50-50 surgery in the hope of saving the beloved and the beloved dies, what then will the other family members say? Will they not blame the next of kin for killing the beloved? And will not the next of kin be assaulted from time to time with deep depression and doubt?

And can the acceptance of blame or all the guilt in the world bring back the dead?

Hear me now; the beloved is my marriage. I am the next of kin who took responsibility to sign for major surgery. My marriage is dead. All the blame and guilt and acceptance of responsibility in the world cannot bring it back. Will I forgive and grieve and move forward into full health, or will I hold on to my shame and insist there is no solace, forever?